I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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