Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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