3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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