Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
