You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
