remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize