I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
