Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
