I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
