When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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