I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
