Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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