In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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