Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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