I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
