if you like me you must not know who I am
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
