Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
