Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
