i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
