I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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