I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You just made me feel so damn special
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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