3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
