Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
