IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
