I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
