why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
