I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
why is half of my head shaved?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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