He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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