Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They have beer where we have blood.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
