My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bring money and cleavage
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
