I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
