I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
