I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
