Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
