so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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