there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
