are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
