I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
