sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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