bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
