Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
