Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
