We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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