The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
