Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
