She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
