do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sober January is a disaster.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
