everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
