Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
