I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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