I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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