I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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