I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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