you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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