If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
