i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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