some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dignity is for republicans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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