I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
