More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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