Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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