This girl is more easily done than said...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
