He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
