i barfeds in our rink
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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