Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
