I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
