I wish I could teleport
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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