I cannot find my penis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize