remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
